On Monday I forgot to bring my ID to the casino. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem. I know most of the security guys at this point, so most days I walk through with just a nod. But as luck would have it all the security guards were new faces and I could tell by looking at them that I was going to have a problem.

There are two uniforms for the guys who stand at the entrance: blue suit and standard security guard. The guys in the blue suits are usually pretty cool and don’t give you a hard time. The guys in the security guard outfits seem to have some sort of complex and take any opportunity to exercise their authority, such as it is. At the main entrance there were two guys in security guard uniforms.

Ordinarily I could have just driven back to my apartment in Detroit and picked up my ID, but on Monday I rode with Mike from Ypsilanti, so that wasn’t an option either. I circled around to the side hotel entrance. They’re usually more lenient over there. Again, new face, security guard uniform. Damn! I made eye contact and turned back. Disaster! Now I looked guilty.

I sized up my options and realized my best shot was with the lone guard at the hotel entrance. Despite my eye contact blunder, in a one-on-one situation our common humanity could win out. I did have one ace in the hole: I had dressed up in collared shirt, tie, and jacket, which I’ve been doing lately to make going to the casino less depressing. Paul Feig said he likes to wear a suit so he can always take a shit in a nice hotel if he needs to. I was hoping the same principle would get me into the casino.

photo (1)


This is as grown-up as I look. Come on!

Summoning up all the blasé confidence I could muster, I strode towards the entrance. As I approached the guard motioned for me to show ID.

“Sorry,” I grinned, “don’t have it on me.”

“If we ask and you don’t show it, we can’t let you in,” he said, in a not-unfriendly way.

I realized this was the moment where a smoother operator than me would talk himself in. I just heard this guy talk about sneaking into the Super Bowl, what did he say? Maybe I should say something like, “But suppose you hadn’t asked…” Maybe even slip him some money. What I actually do is say, “Okay,” and shuffle away.

I got a cab back to the apartment and played online all day and, perhaps in a bit of karmic make-up, won $1000, which doesn’t happen all the time when you’re grinding .25/.50.


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